The Retort

The woman who came to see me was in her late 40’s or early 50s but she looked older and dressed younger, a lot younger.  She was still attractive, sort of, but she looked, how shall I say — different.

Her hair was peroxided.  Her skin was a deep leathery brown — she had spent way too much time in the sun. But, if I noticed such things, I would have said she still had a nice figure.

Dudley Price
Dudley Price

She had come to The News & Observer to see me about a story and we sat in one of the interview rooms talking.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see she was getting a lot of attention.  As reporters walked up and down the hall outside they could see her through the window of the interview room. Several times I saw a head jerk around to look. Some of my colleagues paused to get a second look.

As soon as I returned to my desk up walked Dudley Price, a friend, a reporter, and the newsroom’s most notorious character: Dudley would say almost anything to almost anyone at almost any time.

“Who was that whore you were talking to?” he asked loudly.

And for once in my life I had a response.

“That wasn’t a whore, Dudley. That was my sister.”

Dudley staggered backwards a step or two — he actually staggered — like I’d hit him in the face with a wet towel. He mumbled an apology and left.  He came back a minute or two later and apologized again.

I was loving it.

I didn’t give Dudley a heads up, not that day, or the next, or the next. And then my phone rang. It was Brooke Cain, a researcher at the paper, and a good one. For years she had help me on almost every story I had worked.

“Why is Dudley doing a background on you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.  “What does he want to know?”

“He wants to know about your sisters,” Brooke said.

Coming Friday: “Vintage Jack Hyland”

 

Were They Talking About Me!?

During my freshman year at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, when school and work allowed, I hitchhiked 121 miles to Charlotte on the weekend to see my fiancée, Donna Joy Hyland.

On one trip home four guys from the Middle East picked me up.  They spoke English but when we were almost to Charlotte they switched to, I don’t know what, their native tongue, I guess.  And I began to sweat.

Why would they do that unless they were talking about me?  What were they saying? And then driver began to slow down, and ease the car off of NC 49 onto the shoulder of the highway.

I was sitting in the back seat, next to the door on the right, and I got ready to bail. There was no winning against four of them, but maybe I could outrun them.  Hey, I had run track in high school.

When the car slowed almost to a stop, I popped the door, hopped out, and took three or four quick steps toward the rear, to get a head start.

They got out slowly, congregated next the guard rail, unzipped their pants and began urinating.  I joined them.

NOTE:   I hitchhiked home but I always took the bus back to Chapel Hill.  I would plan to leave Charlotte on Sunday afternoon or, if I just couldn’t pull myself away [Or she wouldn’t let go.],  I’d tell myself that I would take the evening bus for sure and get back into Chapel Hill at midnight.

But the bus I actually caught, time after time, left Charlotte at midnight and pulled into Chapel Hill at 4 a.m., leaving me with a long walk to my dorm, Ehringhaus, and a renewed vow: Next time I’m going to catch an earlier bus.

But I never did. Not once.

Coming Monday: “The Retort”