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The Bachelor

The Hill
The Hill

There’s only one way out of my neighborhood, up the hill at the end of my street. And when it’s icy we’re sealed off from the world. No one goes to work, or to the store, or anywhere. Until the snow and ice begin to melt and patches of asphalt begin showing, a four-wheel drive won’t go up that hill.

Most of us sort of like it that way, at least for a few days, especially on weekends.

We don’t get much snow down this way, near Raleigh — the forecast this winter is for three to five inches, a total of three to five inches. So snow days are holidays, time to  build a snowman and go sledding and then come back inside, sit around a fire, and drink hot chocolate.

After a few days people start to get cabin fever and want out — we can hear traffic moving on U.S. 64  just a few blocks away, but we can’t get to the highway.  So when the red licks off the candy a bunch of us get together and clean the snow and ice off that hill.

One year after it snowed, on the second morning, when we were still sledding, still on holiday, the bachelor who lived at that end of the street attacked the hill all by himself, a job that would take one man pretty much all day.  What was the matter with him?

Somebody told him if he would just wait a day, we would all help.

And this what he said, words to this effect:  “I can’t wait. I have company at my house, a girlfriend. She was supposed to leave this morning. I have more company coming this afternoon, another girlfriend.  I can’t wait.”

Well, why didn’t he say so!

A bunch of us, all married guys, went home, got our picks and shovels, came back and cleaned the snow and ice off that hill licktety-split.

When we finished his friend drove away.  And early that afternoon, his other friend arrived.

Coming Monday: He Smelled So Bad

 

 

Strange But True – Parts I & 2

No. 1

My Dad gave me this tip in June 1966, a few days after I graduated from UNC and went to work fulltime at The Charlotte News, about a man who could stir molten aluminum with his finger.  It was the only tip he ever gave me, but it was a good one.

In case you’re wondering, the melting point of aluminum is 1,221 degrees Fahrenheit.

Aluminum melting furnace
Aluminum melting furnace

J.C. Champion was grey-headed at 49 with the calloused hands of a man who had worked in a foundry all of his life.  He told me that his Dad, who had also been an foundry worker, taught him how to play with liquid fire when he was 16.

Champ
Champ

“There really ain’t nothing to it,” Champion said.  “All it takes is nerve.  It don’t burn any.  Only about as much as running your finger through a pot of boiling water.”

While I watched, and a News photographer took pictures, Champion stuck his finger in a pot of molten aluminum and pulled it a half a turn, several times, until a little whirlpool of liquid aluminum appeared in the middle.

“If you was to do it just one time,” he said, “you wouldn’t even notice it.  Now, a course, you do it over and over  — it’ll give you a mild sunburn.”

Afterward, was his finger OK, in other words, did he still have it?

It was; he did.

I examined his right forefinger, the one he had used to stir the aluminum.  It was slick and shiny and warm and a little browner than the others, but none the worse for wear.

NOTE: After I examined his finger Champion decided to show off a little.  He walked over to where iron was being poured into a mold, studied it to see if if was hot enough, and then began knocking that stream of molten iron all over the floor with his finger.

“You got to be careful it’s hot enough,” he said. “You have to be sure it won’t stop moving and set up on you.”

Iron, by the way, melts at 2,750 degrees Fahrenheit.

* * *

No. 2

Raleigh’s police chief occasionally flew a psychic into town, at public expense, to consult on major unsolved murder and missing-person cases.

I kid you not.

A psychic, just to refresh your memory, is someone who is “sensitive to nonphysical or supernatural forces and influences; marked by extraordinary or mysterious sensitivity, perception, or understanding,” according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary,

The chief was also experimenting with birthday-based biorhythms, which he said sometimes predetermine a person’s good and bad days in cycles counted from the day of birth. The idea, he said, was to bring suspects in for questioning when they were at the “low point” of their cycle and have them interrogated by a detective who was at the “high point ” of his or her cycle.

I know. It sounds wacky because it is wacky.

Coming Friday: The Bachelor