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The School of Hard Knocks

The first page of a 35-year-old spiral notebook I found in the storage shed behind my house began with a reminder: “Ford radiator clogged. Water up every 70 miles. New one costs $65. Chevy radiator leaks. Cost $24 to repair.”

Those Ford and Chevy trucks belonged to my youngest son, Mark Harrison Stith. He had a summer job roofing houses to help pay his way through college. He drove whichever truck was running, assuming one of them was running.

Mark had plenty of get-up-and-go but he was severely short of experience. Capital, too. And clogged, leaky radiators were not his only problems.

Here is his report, written in the mid-1980s, of problems faced and lessons learned that summer in the School of Hard Knocks:

***Battery falls into engine upside down in Chevy. Kills battery and busts fuel line.

***Pour oil into gas tank by mistake and have to take off fuel pump and filter and clean. Take fuel pump off on North Hilton’s parking lot where I’m offered $2 for my truck. People can check out for oil leaks. 

***Got stuck at dump pile. I pull up to a huge trash pile and unload off the back, trapping the truck between the trash heaps. While spinning my wheels the carburetor sticks on full blast. New radiator begins to leak. Bulldozer pushes me out.

***Back to Advance Auto where I buy a spring set I didn’t need and “Stop Leak” that doesn’t work.

***Driving to work my left rear wheel comes off on busy four-lane highway at 55 mph. Make it to the median. Catch ride home, leaving truck’s rear fender out in highway six inches. Pop drives with me in Chevy and we get the truck towed after unloading some old shingles. Repair takes two weeks of night work. Total cost, after bosses pay $50 tow bill, $65 for parts. Also, the man took back his $2 offer.

***Chevy’s carburetor warps under heat and gas shoots out into engine. At least four times I remove carb and apply gasket sealant. This always works for two days. New carb: $58.

***Cat urinated in Chevy cab. Smell takes a week to go away. Make that three.”

***Battery dies in Ford. I replace the solenoid. Connect it wrong and it engages starter constantly. Uncle Sherm fixes it.

***In the morning it doesn’t start. Have to pull with Chevy up hill twice to jump start. Dies on highway. Spent two hours diddling with system. Try to recharge battery at garage. Look out and see a trooper calling a tow truck. Run back and sir him into pushing my truck off the road for me.

***Hit $900 central air conditional at roofing site, bend the coils. New coil, $144.00 plus $45.50 labor. I pay one third.

***Run over boss’ hammer. Crack the handle. He had warned me to never mess with his beloved Excalibur. Who knows how much “emotional damage” will cost me.

***Leaving to take radiator to be fixed in Chevy when I notice Ford’s door is open. Chevy’s battery is half shot so can’t cut it off. No emergency brake so I leave it running and out of gear. I figure I’ll jump out of the Chevy, shut the Ford door and catch the Chevy on the roll. I get the door, turn around, and find the Chevy in the ditch across the street. Can’t get it out.

***Chevy stalls at light that turns green every time Halley’s Comet slides by. Gas station guys help me push it out of the way. I try to jump it off, once, twice, 67 times. until, at long last, I run out of incline. I go to a phone to try to call my boss ’cause I’m late for work.

No change for the phone.

The diary ends there. I don’t know why. Maybe it was time for Mark to go back to the other school, the easy one.

Postscript: Mark owns RoofCrafters, a roofing company he started when he graduated from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in 1988. He earned a history degree from UNC. At the School of Hard Knocks he majored in Problem Solving.

Just Saying

If you sat down right now and wrote down every wise old saying you know, how many could you remember off the top of your head? I’m talking about adages like:

     A penny saved is a penny gained.

    Pretty is as pretty does.

    Spare the rod and spoil the child.

    Drive for show and putt for dough.

    No man’s wife or wallet is safe when the legislature is in town.

My guess? Ten or fifteen maybe. Until later, when more would come to mind.   Go ahead, try it.

I actually did that back when, I wrote down every saying I could remember.  I’m going to share that list with you in a minute or two. But before I do I want to tell you about something odd that happened – at least, I thought it was odd.

At first I could only think of a handful of sayings, a dozen maybe. But then, day after day, I kept remembering more. Pretty soon I had 100. And then 200!  And then one for every day of the year, 365, enough to make a “sayings calendar” for my friend Jeannie Grey Bierce.  But I wasn’t done. Every so often another old saying would pop into my head and I would add it to the list.

This got me to wondering: How many sayings had I stored away in the file drawers of my mind, inaccessible to me unless I was dealing with a specific problem, or imagined I was, and my mind went looking for advice?

And how many other snippets of information have I –have you – filed away that can no longer be easily retrieved?

When I was a boy my Dad poured sayings into my head, which have served me well. Sayings like:

Pee on problems before you have to call the fire department.

You’ll never get paid for more than you do until you get caught doing more than you get paid for.

Never bet another man’s game.

The first two have have been invaluable. The third, while not invaluable, has saved me a lot of money. I don’t bet much but when I do I never another man’s game.

Some of the sayings on the list I’ve picked up along the way,  of course. Some from movies like, “Aim small, miss small.” from The Patriot and “A man’s got to know his limitations.” from Dirty Harry. I adopted “Half measures avail us nothing,” from Alcohol Anonymous’ Big Book and “…a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.” from a poem, The Cremation of Sam McGee. Some came from the Bible. I got at least one, “If you want peace, work for justice,” from a bumper sticker.  One came from a sign I saw at the U.S. Naval Academy at Annapolis, “Better an army of sheep led by a lion than an army of lions led by a sheep.”

One of my favorites was given to me by a nephew, Charles T. Stith Jr. After an adventure at Snowbird Chuck told me one of their family sayings, “If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.”

I don’t have one favorite, I have a lot of favorites, like:

Never lie to yourself. This my Rule One. You can’t fix problems unless, first, you tell yourself the truth about them.

You don’t have to be the smartest one, you just have to be smart enough.  I love that one because it levels the playing field.  If you’re smart enough you can whip people who are smarter by outworking them.

Don’t subsidize what you don’t want.  That’s food for thought, isn’t it. A whole meal.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?  As I’ve gotten some age on me, I’ve come to like that one more and more.

So, how many saying are on my list now? So far, 664.  

Some are contradictory. You no doubt have heard that  “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”  But haven’t you also heard, “Out of sight, out of mind.”  Or “When I’m not with the girl I love, I love the girl I’m with.”

Some are controversial, especially the sayings that deal with love and sex.

Some I do not agree with, like “Never forgive, never forget.” I met a man who lived by that code, worked for him for while. He was enormously successful, but I always wondered how happy he was.

OK, here we go:

BACKPACKING – 10

Hike your own hike.

No rain, no pain, no Maine.

If you need it and don’t have it you don’t need it.

The three more important things about backpacking are pack weight, pack weight, and pack weight.

When in doubt at a trail crossing remember this: The Appalachian Trail always goes up.

All who wander are not lost.

Misery loves company.

Slow and steady wins the race.

The longest journey begins with a single step.

When you get to New Hampshire you’ve done 80 percent of the miles and 20 percent of the work.

BEAUTY – 4

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Beauty is only skin deep (but ugly goes to the bone).

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Looks can be deceiving.

BUSINESS – 38

Business before pleasure.

Success breeds success.

Nothing succeeds like success.

Two heads are better than one.

Don’t buy a pig in a poke.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Anything that can go wrong, will.

Look before you leap.

He who hesitates is lost.

Catch as catch can.

Hard work never hurt anybody.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Never be candid.

There’s a sucker born every minute.

The customer is always right.

Genius is 99 percent perspiration, one percent inspiration.

Opportunity only knocks once.

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.

If you can conceive it, and believe it, you can achieve it.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

You don’t have to be the smartest one, you just have to be smart enough.

The sky is the limit.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

You have to crawl before you can walk.

In any hierarchy each individual rises to his own level of incompetence and remains there.

Necessity never made a good bargain.

Let the buyer beware.

Free advice is worth what you pay for it.

Don’t take ‘No’ for an answer.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

Work expands to fill the time allocated to it.

Every job will take twice as long as you expect and will be half as lucrative.

When you don’t have enough time to do a job right you’ll have to find enough time to do it over.

When you get the answer you want don’t say another word.

CARDS – 3

Think long, think wrong.

A card laid is a card played.

If you don’t have to [take the lead in Hearts], don’t.

CHARACTER – 31

Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

Never lie to yourself.

An ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.

Sooner or later you get to be known for what you are.

Half measures avail us nothing.

If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.

Don’t take shortcuts.

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid and the trail has its own stern code.

People who stand for nothing fall for anything.

Don’t take counsel of your fears.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Talk is cheap.

Honesty is the best policy.

Virtue is its own reward.

Pride goeth before the fall.

If you can’t say anything good about somebody, don’t say anything at all.

March to the beat of your own drum.

A man’s word is his bond.

Never kick a man when he’s down.

Don’t be too quick to judge.      

What a tangled web we weave when others we practice to deceive.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Live and let live.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then, face to face: Now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

Don’t judge anyone until you’ve walked in their shoes.

The wages of sin are death.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Once burned, twice cautious

Let your conscience be your guide.

You can’t serve two masters.

Give credit where credit is due.      

CHILDREN – 7

Children should be seen and not heard.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

As the twig is bent so shall it grow.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Little pitchers have big ears.

Like father, like son.

Do as I say, not as I do.

COMMON SENSE – 62

A leopard cannot change his spots.

All that glitters is not gold.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.

You can’t be a little bit pregnant.

One bad apple will spoil the whole barrel.

There is a calm before the storm.

It’s darkest just before dawn.

You can’t put a square peg in a round hole.

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

An apple never falls far from the tree.

One swallow does not a summer make.

Don’t change horses in the middle of a stream.      

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

Chickens always come home to roost

Strike while the iron is hot.

Don’t cross the bridge ‘til you come to it.      

Don’t put the cart before the horse.      

A pot shouldn’t call a kettle black.

You catch more flies with honey that you do with vinegar.

Where there’s smoke there’s fire.

A new broom sweeps clean.

Good fences make good neighbors.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.

Red on black, friend of Jack; red on yellow kill a fellow. 

Why lock the barn door after the horse is gone.

You can’t get blood from a turnip.

Paddle your own canoe.

Measure twice, cut once.

Still water runs deep.

If the shoe fits, wear it.

Don’t jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

What goes up must come down.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

There’s safety in numbers.

Don’t let the tail wag the dog.

If you play with matches you’re going to get burned.

If I can’t be corn I won’t be shuck.

Lightning never strikes the same place twice.

Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

One hand washes the other.

Half a loaf is better than none.

Many hands make light work.      

Sink or swim.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Don’t beat a dead horse.

Those who dance must pay the fiddler.

If you run with the foxes you can’t hunt with the hounds.

A bit dog barks first.

Don’t try to reinvent the wheel.

Finders keepers, losers weepers.

A watched pot never boils.

Don’t send a fox to guard the hen house.

No hats on the sofa or coats on the bed.

What’s in the well comes up in the bucket.

The other line always moves faster.

Leftie loosey, righty tighty.

Shake and shake and shake the bottle, none with come and then a lottle.

Don’t pee in the wind.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.

DETERMINATION – 23

In for a dime, in for a dollar.

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Bulldogish, hangonish, stick-to-it-foreverish is the one omnipotent power man possesses.

It’s not over ’till the fat lady sings.

It’s not over ’till it’s over.

Never say die.

You can eat an elephant one bite at a time.

What one man can do another can do.

Grin and bear it.

Little strokes fell great oaks.

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

Keep your chin up.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Take the bull by the horns.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

A winner never quits, a quitter never wins.

Can’t never could.

Hitch your wagon to a star.

Fake it ’till you make it.

Never say never.

Have the courage of your convictions.

DRIVING – 1

Left side right side, right side suicide.

ENVY – 2

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Be careful what you set your heart on for you shall surely have it.

FAMILY/HOME – 5

Home is where the heart is.

A son is a son until he takes a wife; a daughter is a daughter her whole long life

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Be it ever so humble there’s no place like home.

A man’s house is his castle.

FIGHTING/FIGHTING SPIRIT – 26

He who mounts a tiger cannot dismount.

You reap what you sow.

Don’t get mad, get even.

Least said, soonest mended.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Don’t start what you can’t finish.

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

It takes two to tango.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

A soft answer turns away wrath.

If you live by the sword, you die by the sword.

Slug a boxer and box a slugger.

Mess with the bull and you get the horns.

If you don’t want trouble don’t go looking for it.

What goes around comes around.

Discretion is the better part of valor.

It’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

The bigger they are the harder they fall.

Better an army of sheep led by a lion than an army of lions led by a sheep.

Put up or shut up.

If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

Never forgive, never forget.

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re probably right.   

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

FOOD – 5

The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Hunger is the best sauce.

Never trust a skinny cook.

Eat it or wear it.

FRUGALITY – 8

Waste not, want not.

A penny saved is a penny gained.

Use it up, wear it out, make do, or do without.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Pay now or pay more later.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Save for a rainy day.

You can’t have a champagne appetite if you have a beer income.

GROWING OLD – 20

The future is now.

Age is just a number.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

People don’t wear out, they rust out.

We get too soon old and too late smart.

Don’t put off ‘till tomorrow what you can do today.

Make a decision or time will make it for you.

Class will tell.

Into every life some rain must fall.

Don’t cry over spilled milk.

What’s done is done.      

Youth shouldn’t be wasted on the young.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Experience is the best teacher.

Getting old is not for sissies.

Stop and smell the roses.

Where there’s life there’s hope.

You can’t take it with you.

There’s no fool like an old fool.

You’re never too old to learn.

HEALTH – 9

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Health is better than wealth.

Laughter is the best medicine.

A few germs never hurt anyone.

Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.      

Don’t burn your candle at both ends.

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Feed a fever and starve a cold.

HOPE – 2

Behind every cloud there is a silver lining.

It’s always darkest just before dawn.

HUMORIOUS/COLORFUL – 16

Never eat yellow snow.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Horses sweat; men perspire; women glow.

Doing a good job is like peeing in a dark blue suit. It gives you a nice, warm feeling but no one notices.

Figures don’t lie but liars figure.

A whistling woman and a crowing hen often come to no good end.

A man who won’t polish the back of his shoes won’t wipe his fanny.

A job is not finished until the paperwork is done.

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to go right now.

All warranties expire on payment of the invoice.

Only fools and boatswain’s mates whistle aboard ship.

The solution to pollution is dilution.

If you drop a slice of buttered bread it will always land buttered side down.

People’s names like monkeys’ faces, always found in public places.

If you’re not going to poop get off the pot.

A woman’s place is in the House. Or Senate.

KINDNESS – 13

To have a friend you have to be a friend.

Let bygones be bygones.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Forgive and forget.

It’s more blessed to give than to receive.

Do not cast pearls before swine.

Never do anything for anybody that you would not ask them to do for you.

One good turn deserves another.

To err is human, to forgive divine.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

It’s the thought that counts.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Charity begins at home.

LEADERSHIP – 22

Give a man credit and respect — those two things — and he will make you king.

Nobody is indispensable.

Pee on problems before you have to call the fire department.

When in doubt, mumble

Better to be right than consistent.

Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.

Pick your battles.  

Knowledge is power.

Practice what you preach.      

Action speaks louder than words.

Fish or cut bait.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

A man’s reach should exceed his grasp.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

What gets counted gets done

Perfect is the enemy of good.

If you’re in a hole, stop digging.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

For every rule there is an exception.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way

When you’re up to your bottom in alligators you’ll wonder why you ever wanted to drain the swamp.

LOVE/SEX – 44

Love makes the world go ’round.

Do right and fear no man; don’t write and fear no woman.

In the dark all cats are gray.

Making love to the same woman too many times is like scratching a place that doesn’t itch any more.

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Love is blind.

Never kiss by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Why buy a cow when you can get milk free?

Candy is a dandy but liquor is quicker.

A hamburger without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

If you play with fire you’re going to get burned.

If you sleep with dogs you’re going to get fleas.

Birds of a feather flock together.

You’re known by the company you keep.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

Two can live as cheaply as one if one doesn’t eat.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Out of sight, out of mind.

When the cat’s away, the mice will play.

Absence is to love what wind is to a fire, it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

There’s no accounting for taste.

Don’t burn your bridges behind you.

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Two is company, three is a crowd.

If you can’t be good, be careful.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

There are always other fish in the sea.

When I’m not near the girl I love, I love the girl I’m near.     

The one who is least interested in a relationship controls the relationship.

Where there is a marriage without love there will be love without marriage.

The worst woman knows her child’s her own but the best man must take his on faith alone.

He who does not love wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Variety is the spice of life.

All’s fair in love and war.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

Don’t display all of your merchandise in the store window.

LUCK – 3

Even a blind hog will find an acorn now and then.

The harder you work the luckier you get.

If you’re lucky enough to live by the ocean you’re lucky enough.

MONEY – 18

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Money talks (bullshit walks).

A fool and his money are soon parted.

When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep will be your downfall.

Easy come, easy go.

You get what you pay for.

Don’t throw good money after bad.

Never count your money while you’re sitting at the table.

It takes money to make money.

Save your Confederate money boys, ‘The South’s gonna rise again.’

The love of money is the root of all evil.

You can’t hide money [so don’t even try].

Put your money where your mouth is.

Them that have, gets.

You can’t be too rich or too thin.

He who has the gold makes the rules.

He who pays the fiddler calls the tune.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

MANNERS – 2

You never count your money while you’re sitting at the table.

Pretty is as pretty does.

NEWSPAPERING – 15

If you can’t say anything good about anybody, come sit by me.

When in doubt, leave it out.

The pen is mightier than the sword.

People who know don’t say and people who say don’t know.

Be careful of finding what you’re looking for.

There are two sides to every story.

Don’t believe everything you hear.

There are no bad questions, just bad answers.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

The truth hurts.

Good writing is not writing, it’s rewriting.

If the test is hard enough nobody passes.

No man’s wife or wallet is safe when the legislature is in town.

Writing is easy. You just stare at a typewriter until blood pops out on your forehead.

If it bleeds it leads.

OPTIMISM – 10

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

It’s an ill wind that blows no good.

The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s tail all the time.

Cream always rises to the top. (So does scum.)

The sky’s the limit.

Good things come to those who wait.

Expect the worst but hope for the best.      

Hitch your wagon to a star.

Look on the bright side.

A rising tide lifts all boats.

RELIGION – 4

Confession is good for the soul.      

Be sure your sins will find you out.

Man cannot live by bread alone.   

The family that prays together stays together.

SELF PROMOTION – 3

He that tootith not his own horn, the same shall not be tooted.

If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

If you can do it it’s not bragging.

SPORTS – 9

When you pass a football three things can happen and two of them are bad.

Winners never cheat and cheaters never win.

Good guys finish last.

For when the One Great Scorer come to mark against your name, He writes not that you Won or Lost but how you played the game.

The best defense is a good offense.

A tie is like kissing your sister.

My grandmother could run through a hole in the line.

Lull ’em to sleep and kick the hell of out ’em.

Drive for show and putt for dough.

TIME – 9

Time, tide, and formation wait for no man.

Time is money.

If you have the money I have the time.

The early bird gets the worm.

What’s time to a hog?

Time will tell.

If you can’t do the time don’t do the crime.

Time heals all wounds.

Time marches on.

Make hay while the sun shines.

There’s a time and place for everything.

WEATHER – 2

Red sky in the morning sailors take warning; red sky at night, sailors delight.

When it rains, it pours.

WISDOM – 221

The answer to most questions is “inertia.”

To thine own self be true.

The truth will set you free.

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

Don’t knock it ’till you’ve tried it.

Better the devil you know that the devil you don’t know.

The grass is always greener where it’s watered.

Aim small, miss small.

If it sounds to good to be true, it is.

If you want peace work for justice.

Better safe than sorry.

It’s best to be on the safe side.

To the victor go the spoils.

All’s well that ends well.

If a dog bites you once, it’s the dog’s fault. If he bites you twice it’s your fault.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Never bet another man’s game.

Every dog has his day.

Nothing has any value except in comparison to something else.

Everything is relative.

Always look a gift horse in the mouth.

Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

Blood is thicker than water.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.

He who laughs last laughs best.

Use it or lose it.

Walk down the middle and take a chance on the rise.

Life isn’t fair.

Give the devil his due.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Might makes right.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Don’t take wooden nickels.

To get along you have to go along.

You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

A gorilla sleeps where he wants to.

Make something happen.

A tiger can not change his stripes.

Life is not a bowl of cherries.

A word to the wise is sufficient.

Hindsight is better than foresight.

Hindsight is 20-20.

All glory is fleeting.

In the end the truth will out.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

Practice makes perfect.

Nobody is perfect.

Mind your own business.

I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.

If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.

Be like a duck. Stay calm on the surface but paddle like hell.

Many are called but few are chosen.

Silence is golden.

Don’t broadcast when you should be tuning in.

Rules are made to be broken.

All’s well that ends well.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

You are where you are and what you are because you want to be.

Moderation in all things.

All good things must come to an end.

Forewarned is forearmed.

Never take anything for granted.

First things first.

Don’t subsidize what you don’t want.

You get more of what you subsidize.

We all have it coming.

Little by little and bit by bit.

A man’s got to know his limitations.

If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.

The greatest gift the gods could give us is to see ourselves as others see us.

Necessity is the mother of invention.

You have to take the bitter with the sweet.

Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.

No man is an island.

A house divided can not stand.

There is no honor among thieves.

If you stomp a fire it spreads.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Better quit while you’re ahead.

No harm, no foul.

For every action there is a reaction.

Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

You have to start somewhere.

Great minds think alike.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

Crime does not pay.

Better late than never.

Easy does it.

Once bitten, twice shy.

First come, first served.

It takes one to know one.      

Know which side your bread is buttered on.

If you don’t want to do something one excuse is as good as another.

Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach. Or edit.

Close only counts in horseshoes.

All in good time.

A lot of things are easier said than done.      

Change is inevitable.

Don’t get your panties in a wad.

Everyone has a cross to bear.

Don’t cry wolf when there is no wolf.

Take the good with the bad.

The hurrier you go the behinder you get.

Haste makes waste.

If we don’t hang together we will surely hang separately.

A picture is worth 1,000 words. [Unless, of course, the words happen to be the 23rd Psalm or the Gettysburg Address or …]

Seeing is believing.

You don’t learn anything while you’re talking.

When in Rome do as the Romans do.

Nothing is certain but death and taxes.

The power to tax is the power to destroy.

A little learning is a dangerous thing.

The more the merrier.

Those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it.

People who don’t know where they’ve been aren’t going anywhere.

There is no substitute for victory.

Politics makes strange bedfellows.

All politics is local.

Ignorance is bliss.

No news is good news.

A prophet is without honor in his own country.

Pick your poison.

The more things change the more they stay the same.

One thing leads to another.

Learn from your mistakes.

Always be prepared.

Roll with the punches.

There’s no time like the present.

Caesar’s wife must be above suspicion.

Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden egg.

War is hell.

Friendly fire isn’t.

Count your blessings.

Some people can’t see the forest for the trees.

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.

Fools rush in where angels fear to go.

You can’t please everyone.

You can’t win them all.

You can’t win for losing.

Good things come in small packages.

The best things in life are free.

Poop goes down hill.

Any port in a storm.

The end justifies the means.

In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

Have a place for everything and everything in its place.

It takes all kinds.

United we stand, divided we fall.

Every man has his price.

The wheels of justice grinds slowly but exceedingly fine.

There is no rest for the wicked.

Turn about fair play.

As a man thinks so he becomes.

For want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost; for want of a rider the message was lost; for want of a message the battle was lost; for want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

He who represents himself has a fool for a client.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

The devil is in the details.

You made your bed – now lie in it.

Don’t borrow trouble.

Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.

Different strokes for different folks.

Something’s not clean in the milk.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Accidents happen.

Rank has its privileges.

Consider the source.

You can’t keep a bird from flying overhead but you can keep it from nesting in your hair.

The only permanent thing is change.

Can’t means won’t.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Think before you speak.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

A good name is more valuable that great riches.

If you can’t bring Mohammed to the mountain, bring the mountain to Mohammed.

The government that governs least governs best.

A woman’s work is never done.

If you act like a doormat you get walked on.

Don’t look back, they may be gaining.

There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Navy way.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Loose lips sink ships.

Nothing is impossible to the man who doesn’t have to do it.

The strength of the wolf is the pack; the strength of the pack is the wolf.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation it’s no one’s fault.

If it moves salute it, if it doesn’t, polish it.

Opinions are like noses, everybody has one.

Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

Worrying is effective because most of the things you worry about never happen.

What you see is what you get.

Everything good is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

If you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?

Mine is not to reason why, mine is but to do and die.

Mother said there would be days like this.

An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Never volunteer.

You don’t have to hang to learn how to build a gallows.

If it’s not one thing it’s another.

Garbage in, garbage out.

There is nothing new under the sun.

Life is good if you don’t weaken.

Boys will be boys.

Who deduced it produced it.

Never trust a fart.

Don’t rob Peter to pay Paul.

You can’t have it both ways.

You win some, you lose some (and some get rained out).

You won’t know until you’ve tried.

Bad news travels fast.

Enjoy it while you can.

Something is better than nothing.

Like it or lump it.

Don’t speak ill of the dead.

Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.

Leave well enough alone.

A lie can travel around the world and back again while the truth is getting out of bed.

WISHING – 9

Wishing won’t make it so.

People in hell want ice water but they don’t get any.

If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn’t bump its bottom.

If wishes were horses, beggars could ride.

There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Don’t wish your life away.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

God helps those who help themselves.  

Be careful what you wish for.   

WORK – 8

If you don’t have time to do a job right you’ll have to find time to do it over.

Get an -est after your name.

Your best is always good enough.

A job worth doing is worth doing right.

It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.

You never get paid for more than you do until you get caught doing more than you’re paid for.

Another day, another dollar.

And idle mind is the devil’s workshop.