I Shoulda Kept Notes

I don’t have a lot of regrets but this is one: I wish I had kept notes on of all the – what should I call them? – unusual, things I’ve seen at weddings.

Here are some I remember:

  • A wedding in which there were no religious songs, no prayers or verses from the Bible — no mention of God. That’s unusual?  It is in this neck of the woods and, besides, the groom was the son of a Baptist preacher, and he was there.
  • A reception with a “Baptist” punch bowl that was full and a “Catholic” punch bowl that was empty. You know why, don’t you.
  • A couple that allowed photographers to hover around them at the altar — one even laid on the grass next to the minister, snapping away — while they took their vows. Why?  The bride was a photographer.  They were her friends.
  • The bride’s much beloved dog, Zoey, sitting next to her, barking, during the marriage ceremony.
  • Zoey, assisting at the marriage of Mandy Locke and Alex Granados
    Zoey, assisting at the marriage of Mandy Locke and Alex Granados

    A bride, standing outside the church in 90 degree heat, sweating along with scores of guests waiting to throw rice, while the groom combed his hair.

  • A rock-ribbed Baptist father-of-the-bride holding a bucket of holy water for the priest.
  • A wedding with a “Best Woman” instead of a “Best Man.”
  • A fall wedding where the groom announced the wedding would be delayed a few minutes. He and his bride had made it to the church on time but some guests had not — they were caught up in football traffic.
  • Police at the reception, investigating a theft at the wedding.
  • A popcorn machine next to the reception line so guests could snack while they waited to greet the wedding couple.
  • Two grown men, a brother and a cousin of the bride, serving as flower girls.  Did a good job, too.
  • Bouquets of honey suckle in mason jars sitting beneath the pews to make the church smell good.
  • Baptist weddings that were much shorter than the last two minutes of down-to-the-wire University of North Carolina basketball game.
  • Chelsea and Jim Waddelow
    Chelsea and Jim Waddelow

    A bride who wore a patch over one eye, like a pirate. She had injured it a few days before the wedding.

  • A groom, a former Marine aviator with more than 200 combat missions in Viet Nam, with his hair in a pony tail, adorned with baby’s breath.
  • A bride and groom who washed each other’s feet during the ceremony.
  • Bridesmaids wearing masks. Oh, yes, remember the pandemic of 2020?
  • And, top this: A bride and groom who married themselves.  They exchanged vows; signed the marriage certificate; had it witnessed, and then pronounced themselves man and wife.

Coming Monday: No Name Peak